IAAP Newsletter:The Unified Field

Together at a Distance - a sister's point of view
by Jean Hammond, Masonville, Colorado

When my sister in Vancouver was diagnosed in 1990 with early-onset Parkinson's, my first reaction was stunned disbelief: "What? Who? Are you kidding or nuts? She was the athlete and obvious tower of physical strength in our family, and I was the girl who couldn't run ten yards in a straight line. No. This is not happening. There's been some mistake."

My shock moved through tears, sleepless nights, other emotions, and the unanswerable question "Why?" as I gradually faced the unimaginable news that seemed to come out of nowhere. Through this process I came out the other side with deeper respect and love for her and her family, willingness to start to understand the disease, and determination to provide what I could--especially at a distance between visits from my home in the United States.

At first symptoms were almost unnoticeable and shopping trips; family activities, etc. were enjoyed as usual on visits, with a little consideration needed here and there. Now a few years later, being with her requires much more sensitivity on my part, and a wellspring of "care" floods my mind and heart as I seek to understand those changes and find ways to be helpful. My intrinsically strong sister who has always been very much her own person and an independent thinker, is now "housed" in a PD body, and despite tough days, who she really is-still is there. I know she's in there!--and not totally unseen. For example, I was very touched by her e-mail today about my husband and me coming up to visit in a couple of weeks. She explained her current limitations, trusting we would understand. In the most caring way she expressed her concern that we enjoy the city, walks, the ocean, etc. all at our own pace and on our own.

For me, finding ways to help or just "be with" her is an ongoing challenge and discovery. Well-timed humor can be healing in releasing tension. Sometimes I take chances--so far it's okay! Sending bright clothes that "work" (with zippers, roomy sleeves, etc.) is a way of enhancing her body by making it new at least on the outside, and I also research vitamins that can promote newness on the inside. I have made the mistake of emotionally retreating when I didn't know how to handle how she seemed to be. This has created unintended alienation at times.

Here is a central way I give support to my sister between our visits. To be "with" her across the miles I sit quietly and share long-distance Attunement. Sometimes it's just for a few minutes; often it takes longer to sense the connection, either way I send her my loving thoughts and feelings through the Attunement radiation. At times she and her family, or other situations will come to mind apparently out of the blue (perhaps while I'm gardening or singing in a choral concert), and I consciously "send" thoughts "back" in that moment. It is as though a cloak of love and understanding billows out from what I am doing and travels to its destination far away. This experience is a meaningful way to "be with" someone or something at a distance, as with my sister.

Growing up, we always thought of ourselves as being distinctly different-two peas at opposite ends of the same genetic pod! My experience now, later in life, is one of growing respect for our individual natures and personalities--I know we are sisters for a reason. It's getting tougher for her. There are very disturbing days of her feeling trapped in this disease. Sometimes when I feel something stressful for no apparent reason, I wonder if I'm feeling her duress over the miles-on an invisible empathetic cord?

Seeing her and her family handle Parkinson's has increased my awareness of what really counts in life. At the top of the list is: "STOP AND SMELL THE FLOWERS." What is the rush in life? I've chosen to slow down in order to see and enjoy so much more. Being with a shaking and sometimes physically frozen sister, and being aware of constant adjustments the family has to make, brings perspective to my life. For me there is EVERYTHING to be thankful for. For me there is NOTHING to complain about-EVER!


Jean Hammond